Back To Toronto

It is cold, really really cold. I didn't realize how warm in was in Vancouver until I arrived in this deep freeze hell that is Toronto. I'm back in school and after two days of classes I now have three days off, which I will not complain about at all.

I got back in late although the flight was making good time. The arm that connects the gate to the plane was having issues and we had to wait for that to get figured out. Then my luggage got jammed on the ramp coming into baggage claim. I had to wait an extra 15 minutes before it started moving again and my hard shell luggage had a huge dent in it which I managed to bang out with my fist. I didn't take a lot back with me as I am moving out west and wanted to leave everything I could there. To be honest it's so cold here I would happily wear pjs and sweatpants the rest of the winter.

I hate flying. It's one of my most hated things. Not out of fear. I actually have no fear of the actual flight, I just hate jet lag and I get motion sickness. I usually force myself into a drugged up coma and try to numb the pain with reruns of whatever horrible sitcom they have available on those little screens. I watched Back To The Future and old episodes of Fraiser. That about did it for the flight.

I wanted to do a little jaw update since something weird happened when I got to Vancouver. My first day in I spent revisiting my lunch over the toilet, now a common ritual after flying and then spending 30 minutes in a car on ever changing elevations and winding roads. I pretty much avoided all food and stayed in bed when the nausea would pass. Once I got up I was enjoying a healthy lunch of skittles and my jaw did something really weird. I opened my mouth and got a really sharp pain not in the TMJ but a little in front of it. It was a really awful sharp pain like something cracked. Every time I opened my mouth I would get this sharp pain and cracking noise. I have no idea what it was. I pretty much avoided chewing and tried not to open my mouth and hoped it would go away. I have a history of having jaw issues arise when I am many thousands of kilometres away from my surgeon. I should call my surgeon about the plate and bring this up too. I'm getting pain in all the upper plate now. Not horrible pain, but still uncomfortable. I don't feel any sort of infection, but if I lean forward, or move my face a certain way I will feel an uncomfortable pressure in the plates in that area.

All the plates on my upper jaw are close to the surface and can be felt through the skin. There are three plates in my upper jaw. I had four but one was removed when I had a reoccurring infection in my sinus area. The surgery wasn't for plate removal, but it was removed while my sinus was being cleared of any material that got lodged in there. Jaws are such weird things, and it's crazy all the metal used to hold it all in place after surgery.

Oh I almost forgot. Weird breathing thing. So I had a lot of sleep apnea symptoms prior to jaw surgery. I would sometimes wake up in the night with my throat collapsed, unable to breathe at all. This all pretty much went away after jaw surgery. My fiancé woke me up a few nights ago because I was gasping for air in my sleep after struggling to breathe through my nose. Or so he says. If this is the case then I am really happy I am breathing through my nose in my sleep as I had a very bad tongue thrust. It took years, but I managed to force my tongue posture so often that it somehow stuck. I'll do a separate post on this.


Well I'm off to bed. It's midnight Vancouver time and 3:00 am Toronto time, which seems like as good a time as any to sleep.

Terra

Waking up skinny and vegan protein powder

Okay so I've been pretty good with my diet for a while now but I had seen no difference in my body.
Weird thing is I woke up this morning and I'm like wtf, my stomach looks flat! YAY
Anyway I haven't been working out like I should due to knee issues. My doctor advised me to take 2 weeks off from running any time my knees start getting bad again, they sort of lock up and get really painful. It sucks big time because I love running. I'm not a gym lover, I hate being indoors and working out, so its been challenging.

Anyway I will make a separate post down the road and include this, but I started using a different product from the protein line that I've been using for a couple years. I swear this stuff keeps me alive. They changed the formula so it's super fine now and very easy to mix into shakes or anything else. It's vegan too so anyone can take it.

This is the website for more information
VEGA SPORT

I thought the recover one would be best to try out for a while since most of my issues are post workout, with muscle fatigue and joint pain. So far so good. This will for sure be my staple during jaw surgery and I strongly recommend it to anyone. My boyfriend used to take protein all the time since he works out a lot, but I read through the ingredients in his and it's a lot of artificial sweeteners and other things that aren't so good for you. For this particular protein I pay about $49 Canadian for over 800g, which isn't a whole lot of protein compared to the non vegan brands, but it's quality, and you only need one scoop as opposed to two scoops. 

Seeing the orthodontist in 3 hours!!! Wish me luck!

Summer Days

Hey everyone,

I feel so much better this past week than I've been feeling in a long time.
It's finally getting warmer in Toronto, and I feel like everything in my life is starting to go the way I wanted it to.
I find a good spring cleaning is a big help. When my space is a mess I can't get anything done.
I'm trying to figure my expenses all out since I want to make sure I can cancel all my un-needed payments  when I go to Australia.


Ohhh I almost forgot, I got a syringe from the medical supply store. The man working there said I could buy pretty much any width of tubing for it but he suggested one that would let the most liquid through and would probably work best for when I am wired. I'll have to do a post closer to my surgery date with a list of the things I have gathered so far and where I got them from. Considering I live in Canada, my international friends may have trouble locating some of these places but I'm sure you have similar (if not better) substitutes.

I've been slowly getting my hair to lighten. I also trimmed it last night. I've added in a lot of blonde in the ends but I'm going to lighten the whole thing by a couple shades in a month or two. The ends took a beating so I gave my hair a trim. I'll probably upload a video on youtube next time I trim my hair because I know all my friends hate the idea of going to get their hair cut, in the fear of having way too much cut off. I've been trimming my hair every 6-8 weeks and it's growing in longer than thicker than it has the past couple years.

Oh, I also almost forgot that I am seeing my orthodontist tomorrow.

I've been wearing my elastics all the time now, I had lost one pack and way running low, I didn't want to drive all the way out to my ortho who is outside the city, and I live downtown, so I searched and found the pack I had thought I lost.
I think these elastics are making my sleep apnea worse because I did  have an episode the other night that woke me up, that hasn't happened in a long time. One night I forgot the put my elastic in and I slept really well and woke up on 7 hours of sleep feeling well rested. With the sleep apnea, I can sleep for 11 hours and still be tired. I'll have to talk to him about this when I go in. I feel like I'm starting to look like my betta fish who clearly suffers from an underbite lol.

Other than that, not too much excitement.
I'm seeing Armin Van Buuren next weekend which will be pretty awesome.
It's Victoria day long weekend, or May 2-4, as most of us know it.
Maybe we'll get a beach day in too, otherwise it'll still be awesome to do something fun for once.

Getting better

Thank you so much everyone for being so wonderful!
Honestly your supportive comments mean so much to me, I know you all understand this process to a different level than people in my life do because they aren't going through it.
I do feel a lot better and I have realized how critical I have been on myself.
It's frustrating to have so much uncertainty with when the surgery will happen and when the braces will come off.
Really though thank you all so much. I feel like I've met some wonderful people.
I've already been in contact with a lot of you through facebook or email.
Please if any of you want to chat about our jaw situations feel free to email me or add me on facebook.
I dont think I would have done it if it wasn't for the amazing support group I've found on the forums, on blogger, on youtube, and on facebook.
Thank you all so much for reading, sharing your stories, and caring :)

150 awful days left

I thought I would greet you all with a horrible side profile shot. I feel like my chin has gotten weaker, it has no definition at all. You can see how my upper jaw is retrognathic, and well the convex in my profile.
Pretty much my face looks stupid. I don't remember it looking this stupid, I guess the braces are doing their job to make me as horrible as possible before the big day.

It's 150 days away from my booked surgery, but I'm still hoping I get an earlier date because I don't think I can handle waiting any longer.

This year has been HORRIBLE!!!!
I feel so not like myself, I hate that I have to spend my university years in braces, and I hate that I look 15!

This year has sucked in so many ways, but in the end I managed to get through another year of university and somehow my boyfriend hasn't ran off to another country to get away from the crazy jaw surgery woman. Neither of us expected  life to change so much throughout our relationship. I feel like every aspect of my life has changed. I stopped working, went to university full time, change my hair, stopped going out, became a huge nerd, GOT BRACES!!! (worst part by far!), my family may have gotten more crazy and the past two years I have been dreaming of moving out, but my education would suffer, and I really want to finish school as soon as possible.

I'm sorry, this is the only place I can come to complain about how shitty life is right now.
What it comes down to is that I am just not happy with myself right now.

Sometimes I hate myself for deciding to do this, but my jaw is so off, so I know it's for the best.

Days need to go by faster!!!!
.......
I'm going to guess its been over 375 days in braces, surgery is 150 days away at the worst case.
It still feels like a lifetime.

Lets all mourn the loss of the old Terra. Feels like a lifetime ago...

PAIN :(

Okay my TMJ is hurting so much right now. I don't know whats going on with my jaw but I think today I will be turning to painkillers.
My doctor was talking to me about taking next term off because I've already had to defer exams due to the jaw pain. I am starting to think more and more about it and I might do that if I can get a surgery date sooner. I really want to get this chapter over with so I can concentrate on school and not have to worry about migraines and jaw pain and all that stuff.
I'll update tomorrow post orthodontist appointment

Weighing the Options...

Oh what to do, what to do....
So on the one hand, I really want to get this surgery done. Here are my reasons for having the surgery asap:

• My TMJ pain has gotten way worse in the past 2 months.
• My joint on one side is very swollen and sticking out, not sure what this means :S
• I really want to be out of these braces asap!
• Its gotten harder to chew my food without getting a migraine
• My mouth opens about 2/3 as much as it did pre braces, if I try to open it more I hear cracking noises
• 7 months is just too far away!!!

Ok so I guess I have to list my reasons to not push my surgery sooner and leave it for the original time I had wanted:

• I have a full year course with a huge portion of the workload due after the holidays
• I'll end up missing a lot of these lectures, although my TA said she'll work it out for me
• Its going to be winter here!! Which means very sub zero temperatures
• Technically I'm suppose to be tutoring astronomy students all year
• My mom will be flying here from Auss in the winter, lots of cancelled flights

Oh the damn obligations!!

It feels like school is my largest contributing factor! BAHH

Well my orthodontist appointment is in two weeks and thats when we will find out this actual surgery date!! 

I'll just go ask the universe to figure this one out for me because I am lost!!

In the meantime I'm going to go study and use this whole jaw thing as a good excuse to keep eating ice cream :) Whats the point in trying to look attractive when I have an underbite, braces, and will soon look like I got hit by a truck? Thats just logic to me :P

Hope everyone is doing good :)