Friday, March 28, 2014

Thank You

I have received such a huge outpouring of kindness after posting my last youtube video.
I can't begin to explain how appreciative and thankful I am for this community and for all the wonderful people who have reached out. I have my social media all linked and I usually know after posting a video when friend requests are jaw surgery related. If you send me a request on facebook and I haven't added you then just send a message and let me know you saw my blog. I check my other box daily but sometimes I miss things as life has been crazy busy lately.

I was very hesitant to post that last video but it was exactly what I needed. I had faced a huge mental block and couldn't concentrate with everything I had going on in my mind. I feel a lot better now and I'm back in the library writing this tax policy paper which will be the end of me.

I know it's hard for people to open up and it was in no way easy for me to make the decision to post so much of my life online for the world to see. I have to say I'm glad I just went for it. I'm so appreciative to everyone who I've met along the way. I'm not sure if it's just from the similar struggles we have faced but the people of this jaw surgery community are amazing. It really makes me realize how much good there is in the world and that strangers can turn into good friends.

I promise to all my jaw surgery friends I will try to be as open and realistic about this journey as I can so that everyone coming up to this can have something to relate to. So that when you get stuck between a rock and a hard place you know you're not alone.

I wanted to go a little into what this journey is like for the people in your life. I have to give credit to this amazing girl for posting very real and relatable videos. She shared a video she took which goes into what it's like for loved ones and people who are there helping you get through the process.

We face a war in our minds when going through something like this but so do our loved ones. It's sometimes more difficult for them because they can't relate to our emotions. They don't feel and see things the same way we do.

It puts strain on relationships. This is something highly understated and I think it's something that should be addressed. I went from being in a long term relationship that was stable and happy to being in a manic depressive roller coaster while going through this surgery.

I wish at the time I knew how to express what I was feeling instead of just constantly being a crying mess. There is no guideline as to how to emotionally survive this surgery. He tried his best to be supportive and I tried my best to hold it together but at times we break. At times you get overwhelmed and you don't think logically at all, you get scared and you start to feel like a crazy person. I feel like the worst thing was probably the huge drop in self confidence. I forgot how to stand up for myself because I felt like I was ugly and that I was lucky to have anyone like me while looking like a mess. Instead of taking things for face value and appreciating compliments, I would look too deeply into everything and start thinking he was just saying things to be nice. I got scared that my face changing and the braces would turn me into some kind of monster and he would just leave me. To be honest the only reason we probably had issues throughout that process was because of the demons in my mind constantly telling me these lies and not because he thought I was a monster.

We are always told to see the good in others, but at times like this we need to see the good in ourselves first. Love you, love you, love you because you are so lovely. I am usually very critical but I can honestly say I have never met a person going through this process that wasn't beautiful inside and out. You reading this right now are amazing, and you know how I know? Because you're reading this. You are actually that caring that you are willing to look into someone else's experience and listen to their opinions.

I have to admit, I'm almost sorry for the people that don't have this awesome jaw surgery connection. I feel blessed to have met all of you :)

Well I should actually finish writing my tax paper now. Oh and to my buddies out there who are accountants, because I know some of you are, I give you so much credit for being able to get through this. Accounting is mind numbing and complicated on so many levels.

Have a great weekend guys!!!