I posted not very long ago but I just wanted to post again because I feel like this blog is my outlet.
I thought that cutting down my schedule would make me feel better and less stressed but I was so wrong. I still have this feeling of a weight on my shoulders and I realize that I am holding a lot of stress inside.
I still have all those negative emotions that weigh me down. I've gotten into the habit of disappearing lately. I haven't seen my friends and a huge part of it is because they can't understand where I am in my life right now and the person I've become. I feel that I have grown a lot over the past two years and I have come to the realization that a lot of my previous personality was more of a way to fit into my life than a representation of who I really am. I feel that I really had no idea who I was and because of that I spent a lot of time trying to figure it out when all I had to do was just be what felt right to me.
A lot of the people in my life are very critical of everything I do and everything I live out. They don't understand why I make the decisions I've made (like jaw surgery) and I can't expect them to understand, they are still the same people that fit with the old me. I've grown a connection to nature and I spend a lot of my time outside gardening now. It's like therapy to me. I have this need sometimes to just be outside, I just love to go running and feel surrounded by the trees. I feel that I've let go of a lot of the superficial aspects of my life. I don't care for things like I use to, or appearance like I used to. I sort of just feel at peace with simplicity. I was going through my closet because I felt this weight, like I had too much stuff. I got rid of 8 bags of clothes and thats just from my closet with one pole and two sliding doors. It wasn't even messy. I just feel so much better with less. I feel myself doing that with everything in my life, I've been going through all my stuff and getting rid of a lot of it. Letting go of the past and living simple. I've also stopped carrying large purses, which I never thought I could do. I just realize that anywhere I go I don't need a ton of stuff with me, I don't need all my makeup and my camera and my phone and my one million random purse objects. I just need to be in the moment. Wow, where was this thought years ago? I started juicing my breakfast. I feel this desire to eat clean and just listen to my body. I feel like I'm finally figuring it out, and the best part is I feel happy with myself!