Thursday, July 19, 2012

Clearing my mind

I posted not very long ago but I just wanted to post again because I feel like this blog is my outlet.
I thought that cutting down my schedule would make me feel better and less stressed but I was so wrong. I still have this feeling of a weight on my shoulders and I realize that I am holding a lot of stress inside.

I still have all those negative emotions that weigh me down. I've gotten into the habit of disappearing lately. I haven't seen my friends and a huge part of it is because they can't understand where I am in my life right now and the person I've become. I feel that I have grown a lot over the past two years and I have come to the realization that a lot of my previous personality was more of a way to fit into my life than a representation of who I really am. I feel that I really had no idea who I was and because of that I spent a lot of time trying to figure it out when all I had to do was just be what felt right to me.

A lot of the people in my life are very critical of everything I do and everything I live out. They don't understand why I make the decisions I've made (like jaw surgery) and I can't expect them to understand, they are still the same people that fit with the old me. I've grown a connection to nature and I spend a lot of my time outside gardening now. It's like therapy to me. I have this need sometimes to just be outside, I just love to go running and feel surrounded by the trees. I feel that I've let go of a lot of the superficial aspects of my life. I don't care for things like I use to, or appearance like I used to. I sort of just feel at peace with simplicity. I was going through my closet because I felt this weight, like I had too much stuff. I got rid of 8 bags of clothes and thats just from my closet with one pole and two sliding doors. It wasn't even messy. I just feel so much better with less. I feel myself doing that with everything in my life, I've been going through all my stuff and getting rid of a lot of it. Letting go of the past and living simple. I've also stopped carrying large purses, which I never thought I could do. I just realize that anywhere I go I don't need a ton of stuff with me, I don't need all my makeup and my camera and my phone and my one million random purse objects. I just need to be in the moment. Wow, where was this thought years ago? I started juicing my breakfast. I feel this desire to eat clean and just listen to my body. I feel like I'm finally figuring it out, and the best part is I feel happy with myself!


  1. Hi Terra,
    I'm glad you are feeling so good. I totally understand where you are coming from. Nothing feels better than getting rid of 'stuff'. I agree that clearing away objects, clears the mind. And I totally agree that the same goes for what we eat, so juicing in the morning will only help! It sounds like you have so much going on and everyone wants to put in their 2 cents. Just remember to stick with your guns and know it truly does get better! (Turning 30 and leaving my 20s behind was amazing. I wouldn't go back to 25 for anything.) All your hard work will pay off. Just remember to take time for yourself - and i don't mean by just working out! Connecting with friends is really important. Just make sure its someone who is a true friend and not someone who is going to nag you or question your choices. Good luck lady, it's a great thing that we all have this forum to vent!

    1. Thanks so much for your words Amanda. It means a lot. I really look forward to 30 to be honest, I can't wait to be in a place where i have more control over my life. Something hard to do as a student. My friends all hold onto the past, they wish we could be 18 again, and I'm just so happy to grow and change with age.

  2. Nice text, you are doing things in a "zen" way that's cool. I like to read your blog. I don't use a blog to tell my surgery story, and neither I don't check out typical orthognatic surgery blogs anymore, but yours is pretty interesting and I can relate with lot of things that seems are happening to you, so..Keep it up. Best of luck.

  3. Thanks so much. It means a lot to know someone reads this and that they can relate.