Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Day 11 Struggles

I'm sorry I haven't been updating like I should. I have sort of become afraid of my face and a part of me if afraid to post pictures because I still don't know what I think about it.
I'll start off with the last few days and then post pictures (maybe)

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping sitting up because the amount of drool I get all over myself if outstanding, not to mention its actually some nasal fluid leaking out of my sinuses that smells like something died. It's horrible.
I stayed at Sean's under the care of him and his momma on Sunday night and on Monday morning he drove me to the surgeon.

Good news, I get to brush my teeth again, and I can sleep laying down. He says 2 pillows but if I'm having a hard time then just get comfortable. He said the only risk is my eyes might swell which would freak me out in the morning but I would be fine.

I came back home last night. A part of me likes the changes and a part of me misses my old big jaw.
I know that this face is more girly than my old face, but something about the way I used to look makes me sad when I look in the mirror now.

It's hard to tell what is and what isn't swelling at this point because it's so early on. I really want to imagine myself without the swelling and see my jaw line.

I feel that although some people at my stage have a lot of swelling, that some people already look way better than I do.

Here are the movements
Lower Jaw: 6mm back
Upper Jaw: 3mm impaction of some sort, I think it was brought forward and up
Chin: 3mm up and 3mm forward.
Cant on lower jaw: 0.5mm correction.

I do have an idea bite now, and my teeth look huge, but I'm just not used to it.

I want to feel normal but i'm still bruised and swollen and my face doesn't move when I talk.
It's freaky.

I'm lucky though in the sense that everyone has been really good with me, I'm so scared to be criticized about something I can't change back. I've sort of been avoiding a lot of contact just because I don't want people to think "oh wow look what she did to her face, or god forbid say, she looked better before.  And sometimes the people we know best can be the most critical.

I mean I'd like my face if the swelling was gone but I don't think I'm done with my face.

I wanted to fix my nose years ago and I still see things I want to change about it. My nose has widened and I want it back to the width I had it before, this nose just doesn't feel natural to me. Then again I'm still swollen.


  1. I'm having similar feelings to you about wanting to see my new appearance before I judge it. It's so hard when you're so swollen. You're waiting to see whether you're going to like the face that you've got to live with for the rest of your life and the reveal is so slow! I'm also a bit worried about the width of my nose, but I know in my case I had a very thin nose before, so it's just difficult to adjust to the change, and as you say, you're still swollen, so try not to judge yourself to harshly at this point. As an outsider, I can honestly say you do look better post op, but I know it's hard to assess it when you're judging your own face.

    1. I swear we are feeling the exact same thing!!! I used to have a narrow nose and now I hate this wider nose. I'm already planning on seeing a surgeon for rhinoplasty as soon as everything heals. Do you find that you still have a lot of swelling?

  2. When I Had my SARPE (surgical palatal expansion) the first couple of weeks I felt weird with my nose. I Had a thin one too, and after surgery I felt that my nose was ver widened. But now I'm confortable with that. You just have to get used. Furthermore, you are still swollen. The best thing you can do is to wait. Sleep and eat well. The third week post op is when you can begin to judge the outcomes.
    Best of luck, and stay calm.

  3. My nose is horrible! But my surgeon says its still swollen . I want to believe him but I really think my nose is permanently gonna stay big n wide. In one of my posts it doesn't look soo bad but in real life each and everyone that has seen me post op has commented how my nose is so "fat" now.

    1. people are saying the same thing to me. I really hope some of it is swelling because I think me you and Sarah all had similar noses before surgery and this widening isn't something we're used to.
      My family is saying to wait and when everything heals if I don't like it I can get it fixed. It sucks, I really wish it didn't widen in the first place but I guess there are so many aspects of our face that have improved with surgery.

  4. I think you are too hard on yourself :) - You have some swelling and a bit of bruising, besides that I think you look fantastic. I think your nose looks great too, fits your face perfect. It´s easy to see that you will look superfantastic when you are healed and swelling and bruising are gone, so give it a little more time. And I would advice you to look at the big picture - your bite is great, your chin looks super, your profile is perfect, what about your tmjd (have it improved?). I hope you the best and think you will be pleased with the results in some weeks. Also consider that after this surgery depressions are common which can affect you to get anxious about every small little thing and also if you read blogs/forums most people are complaining about how they look the first month or two. Stay golden!

  5. Yeah, like Niklas said above, looking at the bigger picture atm is the best way. Your new bite looks really decent so +1,00000 points for that :D Once swelling has gone down, it'll all just look that all the more amazing :D

  6. Terra,
    Reading this post, I am remembering something I read in one of your earlier posts - where you posted a profile pic of yourself & commented that you couldn't wait to never see it again. I realize you have just experienced a major change, but maybe you need to re-read some of your earlier posts to remind yourself exactly why you wanted this done.
    Personally, I think you are looking great, and once your bruising fades, and you have a little more energy - I reckon you'll be pleased with the results.
    All that said and done though, the person looking back at you from the mirror is different to the one you have been used to - it's only natural that it will take a bit of getting used to.
    Chin up; rest up; eat up & get better soon :)

  7. I agree with just about everyone who has commented so far. Ellie definitely said it best though, just remember why you did all this in the first place. I don't even think your at the point yet where you can really appreciate it yet as far as your bite, your TMJ, and most importantly your smile! Also if you watch your video from two days before the surgery at the end of it almost everything you said the doctor said is what happened and its perfect! Like everyone said, its going to take some getting used to but I think once the swelling goes down your gonna love it! Hang in there!